12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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