I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
