Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
