We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
