I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
