I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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