haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
