I love black thongs
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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