She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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