Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
