I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
