she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
