well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
