Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Randomize
