dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
