Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
