can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
