everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
