NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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