I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
