butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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