me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
