My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize