That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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