And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
