If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize