I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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