Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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