If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
