fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
