Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
