It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize