Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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