he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
