I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize