3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
