also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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