It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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