so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize