Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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