I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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