I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
