I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
