her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
