the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just want nice things and good sex
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
