Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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