apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
