there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I still have a little drunk in my system
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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