At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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