At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
