At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
