shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have feelings that need drinking.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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