"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
