I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize