i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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