i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
just found out that she named her cat after me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
