Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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