My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize