I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
