i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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