Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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