I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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