Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
