...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
