Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
