i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
