Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
