It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
my sisters under your porch take her home
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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