Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
