so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Houston, we have a blender
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
