She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
