theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
