i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
