I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So here I am, sexting at work.
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