Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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