so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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