I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
