I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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