I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
