just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
