when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
