But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
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