just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
