My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
