dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
there is glitter all over my balls
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
