my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
