There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
