Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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