I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
