he puts the penis in happiness.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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