My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
