Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
