We won't sleep together?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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