I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
wat bout pragnant strippers??
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
