I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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