He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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