Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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