The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
