so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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